Episode 2 - My world fell apart. The Camino continues. But, does It still provide?

Episode 2 of the Your Inner Camino Podcast, a podcast for pilgrims, by pilgrims.

My World Fell Apart. The Camino Continues. But Does It Still Provide?

I am recording this second episode on the 1st of February 2026, a little more than a month after the introduction episode.

I want to share something with you, as a pilgrim.

As I mentioned in the introduction episode, the Camino does not stop when you arrive in Santiago.

It continues.

I the first episode I spoke about trust and letting go.

I want to share how that is playing out for me now.

For me, the Camino continued after I arrived in Santiago, mid October 2025.

It continued because, as I shared in the first episode, the plan was to take over the albergue, the Palacio de Sansol in Sansol, from March 2026 onward.

To become an albergue host and to organize the Inner Camino Meetings there.

What happened was that the way I thought had been laid out for me turned out not to be my way after all.

Two weeks ago, the agreement, the deal, between the owner of Palacio de Sansol and myself did not come to pass.

Details why are not important.

What matters is that it did not pass.

And this is where letting go comes in.

When I got the idea, last January, to walk the Camino, in September 2025, the Camino Francés from Saint Jean Pied de Port to Santiago, that was step one.

At that moment, I had no intention at all of taking over an albergue.

And certainly not of organizing Inner Camino Meetings.

And not at all, making podcasts.

None of that existed yet.

There was only one step I was focused on, and that was: I am going to walk the Camino.

About a month later, an old, almost forgotten idea, resurfaced again.

In 2014, after Carola and I got married on the Camino in Portomarin, we walked a part of the Camino as our honeymoon, from the monastery in Samos to Santiago.

During that Camino, the feeling and idea began to arise that it would be amazing to one day run an albergue ourselves.

That idea returned to my awareness about a month after I had decided last year to walk the Camino.

That became step two.

I posted a message in a Facebook group, asking if anyone wanted to rent out, sell, or transfer an albergue.

Slowly, it began to feel as if a way was unfolding.

I started to think: maybe this is why I am walking the Camino? That this idea came back to life.

A few weeks later, after the Facebook post, I was in contact with several albergue owners, and Palacio de Sansol stood out in many ways.

I continued down that road and eventually took the next step by actually walking the Camino.

And somewhere along the way, I began to lock myself into the idea that I was going to take over an albergue.

At that time, the Inner Camino Meetings and the podcast idea did not yet exist.

And as it often happens, once you are walking a path, you tend to keep going on that path.

Literally, in this case.

After visiting Palacio de Sansol and continuing my Camino, something new began to grow.

Through conversations with other pilgrims, the idea for the Inner Camino Meetings emerged.

How valuable would it be to support pilgrims, by pilgrims, on their inner journey, and not only on the Outer Camino.

Not just tips about backpacks and shoes, but about how to get the most out of your Inner Camino.

And once again, it felt as if some of the fog in front of my feet lifted.

The way became clearer.

And by the time I arrived in Santiago, everything seemed to fall into place.

It was clear that the idea of walking the Camino led to the idea of an albergue, which led to the Inner Camino Meetings idea, which led to the Inner Camino Podcast idea.

Everything seemed to come together perfectly, in Palacio de Sansol.

This was the way.

It felt very clear.

And then came letting go.

Two weeks ago, the owner and I finally could not agree on the conditions, and the risks for me became too high.

I decided to stop.

In a single moment, the entire way, I thought I was walking, collapsed.

I did not struggle with this violently, but I did struggle deeply.

Whether I wanted it or not, once again in my life, I was pushed in the direction of letting go, and trust.

Over the past ten years, I have experienced that when I let go, things begin to move.

Solutions appear, often more beautiful than anything I could have come up with myself.

And yet, I was thrown into fear again, because the way I though was my Way exploded in my face.

And suddenly, it was not.

The deal collapsed, and I was left behind confused, feeling floating in the void.

In the meantime, we had already sold our house in Sweden.

Which meant, that suddenly we also had no place to live in Spain.

From April the 1st, 2026, onward, we would theoretically be homeless if nothing else came onto our path.

I was deeply confused, and I was intensely challenged on two things.

Letting go, and trust.

Letting go is not easy.

When we are confronted with such existential challenges, we try to control it.

We make plans. We try to fix things.

Over the past ten years, I have learned that when I do that, I become so tense, so focused on keeping control, that I actually block the solution.

When I step “out of the way,” when I allow the emotion without acting on it, space appears.

My experience is that solutions then come at a moment I did not plan.

That the solution is completely different from anything I could have imagined myself.

And that it is far better than I ever would have dared to hope for.

Carola and I call this: “We are being taken care of.”

And among pilgrims, this is known as: The Camino Provides.

Trying to control immense forces, with our small human brains, usually leads to half baked solutions and often only makes things worse.

Over the past two weeks, I noticed again and again how fear almost took hold of me.

And how that fear wanted to trigger planning, panic thinking, and panic driven action.

I kept thinking about the moment at the Iron Cross near Pamplona.

I impulsively placed two stones there, without knowing why.

When I placed them, I broke down emotionally.

It took me twenty minutes to pull myself back together again.

Later, during the descent toward Pamplona, it became clear.

One stone stood for letting go of thinking, from fear.

The other stood for letting go of acting, out of fear.

Who could have known how deeply this would be tested months later.

When the deal collapsed, I was thrown into something that felt like existential fear.

Whether it was truly existential can be debated, but that is how I felt it.

And once again, I tried to keep it under control.

But now, I can very consciously feel when fear arises and tries to take over.

When panic thinking and panic driven action want to appear.

And then I remember those two stones.

Letting go of thinking, from fear.

Letting go of acting, out of fear.

This is where I am now, as a pilgrim, on the 1st of February, 2026.

A little more than a month after recording the introduction episode, when everything still seemed clear.

That in March, I will be in Sansol, in the Palacio de Sansol.

Not So.

A few weeks later, everything exploded in my face.

And I was deeply tested on letting go and trust.

And still, this is an enormous challenge, because fear kicks in.

The Camino continues. That is a deep truth.

And how the Camino continues from here, I will share in another podcast.

What I have shared in this episode is one example of that, that the Camino Continues, and the Inner Camino also.

The work that happens on the inside, before walking the Camino, while walking the Camino, and after you have walked the Camino.

When plans fall apart.

When fear arises.

When the temptation to judge appears.

At these moments in life, the Inner Camino is very active.

Not judging the other.

Not judging myself.

Self Reflection makes this possible.

It creates space. Space to see what is happening on the inside, without immediately reacting from fear or control.

For me, Self Reflection has become one of the most powerful skills I know.

Not only for walking the Camino, but for life.

It softens judgment. It opens understanding.

It allows something more human to emerge.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to share this podcast.

With fellow pilgrims.

With friends.

With anyone who feels that the Camino is more than just walking.

By sharing these stories, we invite more people to the skill of Self Reflection.

And with that, into less judgment.

And with that, into a small but meaningful contribution to a more conscious and a more human society.

The Camino Continues.

The Inner Camino as well.